Dedicated to Elsie the Cow!

Today as I stood in the office having my follow-up mammogram for a more magnified look I pondered my whole new appreciation for Elsie, the famous cow! Don’t ask me why! I’ll try to explain:

To make 9 gallons of milk a day for several humans to drink and enjoy, Elsie has to drink 2 gallons of water for every gallon of milk she makes! If I had to drink 18 gallons of water a day, I would never be able to come out of the bathroom to make anything for anybody!

The gestation period for Elsie and her sisters is 9-months—just the same as her human counter-moms! A calf weighs 80-100 lbs. at birth. Need I say more here, ladies?? “Ouch” should sum it up!

A newborn calf can walk within one hour of birth. After a short time passes the calf keeps on walking and goes out into the field to get on with it’s life! Human moms usually have to wait 18-years or even longer before our kids walk out!

If a bull calls a cow a “heifer”, it is not only a miracle because the bull can talk, but Elsie is complimented. If a man calls a woman a heifer, he risks never being able to talk again or at the least with some difficulty!

Cows wear special earrings that contain ID which the farmer can use to track her by computer to see where she is going. If teenage girls had such earrings, we could do away with cell-phones for them!

Cows chew their cud for up to 8 hours a day! If I say something stupid, I can “eat crow” for days!

Cows have their udders down below, so the bulls really do have to look at their eyes first—a major complaint about the men from the women I know who are well endowed!

The milk Elsie and her sisters gives us is rich in calcium! Unlike me, Elsie doesn’t have to get a yearly mammogram and informed that her once working udders are now two sagging bags of rocks (filled with calcium deposits) which the technician says is “a natural part of the aging process like hardening of the arteries”!

Moo!